Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
