he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
