My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
