I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
