So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
