Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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