he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
