Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
