I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
