well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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