he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
