Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
