I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
