He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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