Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
