nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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