I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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