I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Pooping to opera.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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