I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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