i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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