I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
