North Korea, Best Korea!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
nutella sex= disaster
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
