The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
