i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
