I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
