Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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