OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
