so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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