I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize