Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
