please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
