yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
