Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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