I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
