ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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