There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
