you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im holly from the hills drunk
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
