i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
