do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
