she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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