My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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