You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
