I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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