This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
