Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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