Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
