Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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