Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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