I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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