if i can run in heels then i can drive
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
