There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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