I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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