my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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