Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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