Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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