holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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