I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
