woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
