Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
