now i know why i became what i already was.
this boner is exhausting
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
