She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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