Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I AM VODKA MAN
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
