my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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