i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
