bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
