drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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