Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
