nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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