Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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