so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i've created a new STD.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
