So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
