Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
