Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
