sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
