forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
