im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
