You're so nebulous sometimes
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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