clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
