So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
whose parrot is this?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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