next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
