I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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