Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
