smell my finger.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just want nice things and good sex
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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