I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
