Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
