Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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